There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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