I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
