Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
