you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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