also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
