I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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