Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
