Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
