I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
