his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
