he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
