I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
When did angry sex become our thing?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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