How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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