Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
