I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
