what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
