We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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