i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
