I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My ass is underappreciated
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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