I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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