Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
