just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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