some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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