she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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