can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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