We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
