3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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