u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
