its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
