Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
