put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
