I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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