Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I can text with my tongue
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
