I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
