I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
