I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
