I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
