sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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