I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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