i dedicated my morning wood to you.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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