I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize