Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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