Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Drunk walkin through police station. America
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
