My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
