God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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