the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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