I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
