My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
