What did we do last night that was yellow?
I don't think brook has ever known best
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
