So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
