my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
