My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Randomize
