my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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