Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
