I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
