i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
