Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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