Who did Billy Mays play for?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Randomize
