wanna go halves on a baby?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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