Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
