Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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