the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
