oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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